Being a mom when you lost your parents as a teen…

I come from a big family, there is 7 of us living and 2 in heaven that were born sleeping. My parents basically had 2 families; 5 pretty well together and then 11 years later myself and my younger brother who is 16 months younger than me. My parents were in their early 40’s when we came along. I think we were distraction babies that were going to keep the marriage together…didn’t work. (I don’t think it has ever for anyone just in case you might be thinking that  it would) When I was 7 or 8 my parents got divorced. I will never forget the fight that was the last straw, or at least it seemed so to me being 7 years old. They were yelling at one another about finances and dad walked out and mom threw things around the house for a bit. I have never cried or prayed so hard in my life that night.

My mom and dad on their wedding day, I think my mom was a few months pregnant with my oldest brother. They were both 18, I think.
I am the little girl on my momma’s lap. I think I was 3 or 4 maybe.

So there they were both in their early 50’s starting over. I am just in my mid 30’s and I can’t even imagine being divorced and starting over. Maybe it is because I am a child of divorce that I am willing to fight so hard for my marriage, we had a really rough patch last year but we were both ready to listen and make changes needed to keep our family intact. Anywho, I kinda got off topic but I feel you needed the background to understand the immense void there is for me and lessons learned. My mom was my best friend; I could tell her matter what it was. You see I fell off into heavy drug and alcohol use for a few years of my late teens after my dad died suddenly of a heart-attack.  No matter how far I fell I knew I could always go home and my mom would be there.

Dad, mom, me and my baby brother. You can tell by my hair I was a child of the 80’s, lol.

When I was 20 my mom was diagnosed with non-hodgkin lymphoma. We knew she was sick but we had no idea she had cancer. This kinda kicked my ass back into reality. Around this time I also met my husband; he really was a God-send and well that is a story for another day. Once we found out mom had cancer my oldest brother moved her to K.C Research medical center for treatment but unfortunately she was too far advanced. She had started having flashbacks to when the older kids were little and hallucinating so the cancer had spread. She was too weak to do chemo or any other treatment by then. Less than 6 weeks  she was gone, my mom was gone…

My momma and my sister at my little brother and niece’s 8th grade graduating. Yes my oldest sister and mom were pregnant at the same time, twice.

She didn’t get to see me fully get clean from the drugs/alcohol, graduate high school after being a drop out, get married (though she did get to meet my husband and approved of him) or become a mom. I didn’t get to call her in the middle of the night crying when my son was colicky and wouldn’t sleep and I didn’t know what to do or when he couldn’t have a BM for a week. I didn’t get to share the milestones my son reached and the joy I felt. My son isn’t getting to know his grandma or his grandpa for that matter.  Granted I have other “mom” figures in my life and I can’t imagine my life without them but they don’t compare to your own flesh and blood momma, ya know?

Our son is any only child to my husband and I and an only grandchild to my mother-in-law; she spends a lot of time with him. I am so grateful for her and her love for her grandson.

We buried my mom and dad on the same day 3 years apart…I know they both died with broken hearts for one another. They are buried together though despite being divorced for many years before passing.

I write this (1) to get it off my chest today after being stressed out and my memory triggered about my mom and wishing I could just sit with her and vent and cry and (2) because I want to remind you daughters out there that you should treasure your mom and the time you have with her. I know moms can be difficult (my 10 year old son would agree, lol) and not the best at times but please don’t ever turn you back on her. People grow and change all the time, I have a sister that is a perfect example if that. Pray for them if they are difficult; give it to God as much as you can and continue to be there but not to be used if that is the case. Once she is gone the void is like no other. Really no matter how old you are when you lose your parents the void is real and touches each and every part of your life. My older siblings were grown and out of the house when we lost our parents but I know for sure it affected them deeply and forever.

I miss them both (some days are harder than others) and I still grieve for them; I imagine I always will till we meet again in heaven.

I hope this post blessed you in some way, now go pick up the phone and call your parents! God Bless.

Motherless daughters is a powerful book that helped in some healing after I lost my mom.

10 Replies to “Being a mom when you lost your parents as a teen…”

  1. Sister, this made me cry and brought back alot of the same feelings that you have experienced. There’s times in my life even as an adult that I wish our mom was still here to ask for advice. I wished I had made more time for her. But I know she and Dad are watching over us. They would be proud of you and Sam and the lives you have made for yourselves. I love you sis.

    1. I love you too 🙂 I had tears while writing this and you know she would be proud of you and how your life has turned around too.

  2. This was such a moving story. I was estranged from my family for 7 years. I’m glad I have my mom back now. I would have regretted not being able to say how much I loved her ever again. I’m sorry you are without parents, but I know they can see how you have grown and changed. I hope God sends people to you all through the years who will invest time into you and your family.

  3. This is such a deep transparent story. I didn’t lose my parents but I did lose my brother when we were both in our early twenties. Many of your emotions I relate to. Nice to know there are others who feel the same.

    1. Hugs sweetie, I can’t imagine losing my baby brother (any of them really) but I am closest to the younger one since we are only 16 months apart in age.

  4. There are so many times when we all get so caught up in everyday life that we forget the moments we NEED to be creating, not working or mundane tasking. It’s the little moments that make up the very best life. I am so glad I read this today, I needed to hear it since I am devoting alot of time to my new business venture while also working a full time job, I am hoping to change that soon but while I am figuring out how to do that my family time needs to stay family only time and not be distracted by everything else.

Leave a Reply